when guys wear shorts and you can see their dicks move

timelordy-teganbreann:

swim-two-birds:

If you’ve never read Shakespeare’s plays, you’re missing out on some quality zingers.

are you telling me that shakespeare was doing your mom jokes in his plays

doonad:

I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to go to university, I don’t want to have a career, I don’t want anyone to expect anything of me ever, ever, ever. I just want to sit in a cocoon of blankets all day, every day, sleeping and reading books because I don’t think I’m cut out for this whole ‘contributing member of society’ thing.

thatmissourigirl:

carry-on-my-consulting-tardis:

I have two moods 

One is highly sophisticated intellectual who goes into complex thoughts and is always moody and deep

the other is an immature 5 year old that doesn’t know how to control herself or her language or her actions

there is no inbetween

This is so unbelievably true.

i just want perfect skin and hair and teeth and body proportions and endless supplies of money and intelligence is that too much to ask for

friendlycloud:

hitlervevo:

why the fuck cant we text the police

lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you

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